Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Guerillas of Grace by Thomas Loder

Holy One,
there is something I wanted to tell you,
but there have been errands to run,
     bills to pay,
          arrangements to make,
               meetings to attend,
                    friends to entertain,
                         washing to do...
and I forget what it is I wanted to say to you,
     and mostly I forget what I'm about,
          or why.
O God,
don't forget me, please,
for the sake of Jesus Christ.
Eternal One,
there is something I wanted to tell you,
but my mind races with worrying and watching,
     with weighing and planning,
          with rutted slights and pothole grievances,
               with leaky dreams I keep trying to plug up;
and my attention is preoccupied
     with loneliness,
          with doubt,
               and with things I covet;
and I forget what it is I wanted to say to you,
and how to say it honestly
or how to do much of anything.
O God,
don't forget me please,
for the sake of Jesus Christ.
Almighty One,
there is something I wanted to tell you
     but I stumble along the edge of a nameless rage,
          haunted by a hundred floating fears and...
I forget the real question is that I wanted to ask,
     and I forget to listen anyway
          because you seem unreal and far away,
and I forget what it is I have forgotten.
O God,
don't forget me please,
for the sake of Jesus Christ.
O Father in heaven,
perhaps you've already heard what I wanted to tell you.
What I wanted to ask is
     forgive me,
          heal me,
                increase my courage, please.
Renew in me a little of love and faith,
     and a sense of confidence,
          and a vision of what it might mean
               to live as though you were real,
                    and I mattered,
                         and everyone was sister and brother.
What I wanted to ask in my blundering way is
     don't give up on me,
          don't become too sad about me,
               but laugh with me
                    and try again with me,
                         and I will with you, too.
What I wanted to ask is
      for peace enough to want and work for more,
          for joy enough to share,
               and for awareness that is keen enough
to sense your presence,
     here,
          now,
               there,
                     then,
                          always.

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