I quit the day.
It had already been inconsolably long,
though it be only 11:00 in the morning.
I quit trying.
I quit hiding.
I quit wanting.
I gave into the endlessness of trauma, loss and pain.
They could not be avoided any more.
It took too much effort
and I didn’t have the energy anymore.
So, I gave into the abyss, the darkness, the smothering.
I let it go over me, convinced I would die.
At a critical point, I did.
I tried to die.
I let death have me.
But somehow I emerged on the other side, still alive.
There was still trauma, pain and loss
but they no longer had me
they no longer covered life.
They just became another part of the day
like hunger or tiredness, which could be satisfied by food or sleep.
I found that all three—trauma, pain and loss—
could be satisfied by prayer, by rest and by the comfort of others:
wordless comfort, distraction, nurture and more prayer,
satisfying that which once terrorized.
You are very deep. I am proud of you and your blogs as well. I can't wait to see you in a couple of weeks.
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